"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.
But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.
He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior,
so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
This is a trustworthy saying.
And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone."
Titus 3:3-8
the battle starts tomorrow, and these shall be the words i cling on to. for all lies about who they are, who i am, what i am expected to do, and what we are in this for will reveal themselves to be lies when faced with the truth.
bring it on.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
wet black bough
too many weights on my mind from one day in that auditorium.
i think the overall feeling was a sense of frustration and restlessness, inspired by the events of the day and perhaps, to some extent, by the experiences of Dagny Taggart in Atlas Shrugged. errors irritate. and there are errors in my own behaviour and judgement too, but comparisons of speck and log aside, it is surely still allowable to just let that statement stand as an expression of opinion, despite how it might not reflect an attitude that is entirely laudable.
if one can say that certain things of uniqueness have become too commercialised, perhaps one can also say that certain things of prosaic-ness have become too advertised. teachers, and the teaching profession, probably fall under that latter category. too much ideology and meaning have been invested into the teacher, such that a gathering of teachers inadvertently prompts one to think potential, outreach, influence, moulders of the future. as magnet attracts iron, we seem to attract people who want to influence the future by way of influencing us. the person has been substituted for a symbol, reduced to an advertised image, a convenient mental projection from which one works when planning conferences such as these. institution speaks to image, and the people protest.
such mind-numbing processes. Dagny and those who understand her mind have the words i do not have.
there are so many things i would like to tear apart. but there is arrogance in that, and perhaps an excessiveness of negativity which, on the whole, should not be indulged in.
but this i will allow myself to say.
in that matter of sin, you are wrong to say that the guy has everything to gain, and the girl has everything to lose. what screwed-up rubbish. both lose. both lose, whether they realise it or not. you speak as though that is a victory for the man, and it is words like these that perpetrate the mindset that men gain when they take the girl, giving them the lie which becomes the comforting thought they take to console themselves or in which they exult, whether or not they dare to proclaim it. you follow the crowd in not making them realise what it means, and what they lose. and i hate rubbish like that. i hate that piece of rubbish and the whole attitude behind it and the injustice of the entire sickening thing.
kill the rabbit already.
i think the overall feeling was a sense of frustration and restlessness, inspired by the events of the day and perhaps, to some extent, by the experiences of Dagny Taggart in Atlas Shrugged. errors irritate. and there are errors in my own behaviour and judgement too, but comparisons of speck and log aside, it is surely still allowable to just let that statement stand as an expression of opinion, despite how it might not reflect an attitude that is entirely laudable.
if one can say that certain things of uniqueness have become too commercialised, perhaps one can also say that certain things of prosaic-ness have become too advertised. teachers, and the teaching profession, probably fall under that latter category. too much ideology and meaning have been invested into the teacher, such that a gathering of teachers inadvertently prompts one to think potential, outreach, influence, moulders of the future. as magnet attracts iron, we seem to attract people who want to influence the future by way of influencing us. the person has been substituted for a symbol, reduced to an advertised image, a convenient mental projection from which one works when planning conferences such as these. institution speaks to image, and the people protest.
such mind-numbing processes. Dagny and those who understand her mind have the words i do not have.
there are so many things i would like to tear apart. but there is arrogance in that, and perhaps an excessiveness of negativity which, on the whole, should not be indulged in.
but this i will allow myself to say.
in that matter of sin, you are wrong to say that the guy has everything to gain, and the girl has everything to lose. what screwed-up rubbish. both lose. both lose, whether they realise it or not. you speak as though that is a victory for the man, and it is words like these that perpetrate the mindset that men gain when they take the girl, giving them the lie which becomes the comforting thought they take to console themselves or in which they exult, whether or not they dare to proclaim it. you follow the crowd in not making them realise what it means, and what they lose. and i hate rubbish like that. i hate that piece of rubbish and the whole attitude behind it and the injustice of the entire sickening thing.
kill the rabbit already.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
"the bellows blow fiercely
to burn away the lead with fire,
but the refining goes on in vain;
the wicked are not purged out."
jeremiah 6:29
i see this and i think, cool verse to use to teach alliteration. but then no. actually another thought came first. and that is, i wish it would burn.
how long. how long more til its over. is it my fault. is there anything i can do, i should do. i think there is, there are, many things that i should be doing. but each time i try, i fail again. i wish i wouldn't. i wish it would stop. i wish i would stop. i wish i knew when this ends. i wish i knew where i end.
bang the bronze and hear it hollo out
all hollow within and hollering now
to bend the air to its wind and will
bring it to the till;
again, repeal; til
something within stills.
"we wait in hope for the Lord,
he is our help and our shield.
in him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name."
psalm 33:20-21
to burn away the lead with fire,
but the refining goes on in vain;
the wicked are not purged out."
jeremiah 6:29
i see this and i think, cool verse to use to teach alliteration. but then no. actually another thought came first. and that is, i wish it would burn.
how long. how long more til its over. is it my fault. is there anything i can do, i should do. i think there is, there are, many things that i should be doing. but each time i try, i fail again. i wish i wouldn't. i wish it would stop. i wish i would stop. i wish i knew when this ends. i wish i knew where i end.
bang the bronze and hear it hollo out
all hollow within and hollering now
to bend the air to its wind and will
bring it to the till;
again, repeal; til
something within stills.
"we wait in hope for the Lord,
he is our help and our shield.
in him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name."
psalm 33:20-21
Monday, January 30, 2012
tipping the scales
i should demonstrate more love towards those whom i should demonstrate love, and hold back from expressing love towards those whom i should hold back from.
"we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor 10:5
"we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor 10:5
Sunday, January 1, 2012
luke 9:23-24
since it is the new year, i shall talk about death.
two things come to mind when i think of death - one, the wait at a deserted train station on a winter's evening in arklow, ireland, for a train that i wasn't sure would come; two, the wait at a bus stop outside the clinic where i had just received my blood test results.
those were the two times where i really died in mind and heart. that there should be self-resurrection, that what was once dead should live again, is the bane of my existence. for i should have died and stayed dead, but zombie-like, my old nature insists on unnatural extensions to life and continues to drag its ugly body around. i would pray for execution again, except that the bruises from the last round of discipline are still tender, and fresh enough to inspire fear.
yet i miss the sweetness of death. death is cold, stark, relentless annihilation, and that complete erasure of self is a relief, a release. for it is when we are weak that Christ is strong in us, it is when we are nothing that Christ is all. and nothing beats the peace and joy of living a life in which Christ is all.
and so death it shall be. not death as a goal in itself, but death in order that Christ might be all, in order that the new creation might live.
God help me.
two things come to mind when i think of death - one, the wait at a deserted train station on a winter's evening in arklow, ireland, for a train that i wasn't sure would come; two, the wait at a bus stop outside the clinic where i had just received my blood test results.
those were the two times where i really died in mind and heart. that there should be self-resurrection, that what was once dead should live again, is the bane of my existence. for i should have died and stayed dead, but zombie-like, my old nature insists on unnatural extensions to life and continues to drag its ugly body around. i would pray for execution again, except that the bruises from the last round of discipline are still tender, and fresh enough to inspire fear.
yet i miss the sweetness of death. death is cold, stark, relentless annihilation, and that complete erasure of self is a relief, a release. for it is when we are weak that Christ is strong in us, it is when we are nothing that Christ is all. and nothing beats the peace and joy of living a life in which Christ is all.
and so death it shall be. not death as a goal in itself, but death in order that Christ might be all, in order that the new creation might live.
God help me.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
offering
"Lord, if it is you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Matt 14:28-31
i think our cell had a somewhat "walking on water" experience during the Christmas party with the PRC students yesterday. we only found out on the 16th that we had to host them on eve and Christmas, which gave us about a week to plan a Christmas programme for 37 PRC students whom we'd never met before, and who had only just arrived in SG in the past week.
praise God for the unity within the cell group, and for everyone's willingness to serve. it was really "Go" from the moment we heard the "Come", and i was very encouraged by the obedience which everyone displayed. like Peter, our faith grew through this experience, because we learnt that it is when we are on water, when we are doing things that are supernatural and impossible within our own means, that we grow in our dependence on God's power and grace.
sharon told us to be very intentional in befriending them and sharing with them about Jesus, and so i found myself doing 3 things that i am not good at/uncomfortable with during this event: befriending a large group of strangers, speaking in Chinese, and sharing the gospel. it was pushing me way out of my comfort zone, but at the end of it, i am glad for it because it was the right thing to do. i have been in the boat for too long, when the place for Christian living is really on the water.
my heart for the PRCs really melted during the small group time, when we asked them about what Christmas meant to them and shared with them the real Christmas story. they asked so many questions and they were so eager to know more about Jesus. their ignorance pained me, and i say "ignorance" with no sense of disdain or judgement, just that that was the overwhelming sense i got from all the questions and their listening looks. i think it was then, when i was sharing with them about God's love shown through Jesus, that i realised again how much i lost when i gave up my cell girls, when i decided i couldn't continue being a cell leader. the whole set-up reminded me of those days when i took them for cell, and i know again that it was, and it has always always been, a privilege to serve. it is always a privilege to serve.
sometimes i feel like there are so many people to care for, and i don't want to take on more because i cannot give anymore of myself. but seeing the PRCs, and remembering my ex-cell members, i cannot help but ache for them, and long to make space in this crowded heart for them.
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Matt 14:28-31
i think our cell had a somewhat "walking on water" experience during the Christmas party with the PRC students yesterday. we only found out on the 16th that we had to host them on eve and Christmas, which gave us about a week to plan a Christmas programme for 37 PRC students whom we'd never met before, and who had only just arrived in SG in the past week.
praise God for the unity within the cell group, and for everyone's willingness to serve. it was really "Go" from the moment we heard the "Come", and i was very encouraged by the obedience which everyone displayed. like Peter, our faith grew through this experience, because we learnt that it is when we are on water, when we are doing things that are supernatural and impossible within our own means, that we grow in our dependence on God's power and grace.
sharon told us to be very intentional in befriending them and sharing with them about Jesus, and so i found myself doing 3 things that i am not good at/uncomfortable with during this event: befriending a large group of strangers, speaking in Chinese, and sharing the gospel. it was pushing me way out of my comfort zone, but at the end of it, i am glad for it because it was the right thing to do. i have been in the boat for too long, when the place for Christian living is really on the water.
my heart for the PRCs really melted during the small group time, when we asked them about what Christmas meant to them and shared with them the real Christmas story. they asked so many questions and they were so eager to know more about Jesus. their ignorance pained me, and i say "ignorance" with no sense of disdain or judgement, just that that was the overwhelming sense i got from all the questions and their listening looks. i think it was then, when i was sharing with them about God's love shown through Jesus, that i realised again how much i lost when i gave up my cell girls, when i decided i couldn't continue being a cell leader. the whole set-up reminded me of those days when i took them for cell, and i know again that it was, and it has always always been, a privilege to serve. it is always a privilege to serve.
sometimes i feel like there are so many people to care for, and i don't want to take on more because i cannot give anymore of myself. but seeing the PRCs, and remembering my ex-cell members, i cannot help but ache for them, and long to make space in this crowded heart for them.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
thanksgiving
the first sem of nie is coming to an end, and all i can say is - praise God for a wonderful journey with Him.
met YF and LL for fellowship on Mon. YF commented that the past few months had really been a great experience for her spiritually, because staying in hall gave her the freedom to read her bible and play christian songs anytime she wanted. it also gave her more opportunities to come into contact with christians and talk about spiritual issues, as opposed to when she was staying at home. that statement made me realise how blessed i am, and made me appreciate the christian support i'd been having even more. so here's my list of thanksgiving to God:
1. i thank God for niecu and for marc's faithful preaching each week. thank God also for marc's hospitality in inviting us to his house and for his patience in answering whatever questions we brought up during cg.
2. i thank God for christian friends in almost all of my modules, gesl included. it's an encouragement to me that there are others in the education service who believe with me that building up lives for God is important, and that we serve a Master beyond moe. it's also a good reminder to me to do my work properly and have the right attitude in class, so that i can be an encouragement to them.
3. i thank God for YF and LL, and for their hospitality every week. i thank God for sisters in Christ who trust me enough to be honest with me, and with whom i can be honest. their sharings of struggles and victories have really been very encouraging, and it reminds me that when we share our testimonies and speak God's word to each other, we build each others' faith up.
4. i thank God for Mel and BX and Char, for the way they keep meeting up with me and contacting me. they remind me that every relationship is an investment of time and effort, and i have been very blessed by their efforts to keep our friendships going.
5. i thank God for K. i thank God for this relationship that i do not deserve, for the sweetness and craziness in all the times spent with K, and for someone who makes me realise my blindspots so that i can change. it's a precious thing to be able to go through happy times and low times together with someone. and it has been sweetness beyond imagination. he is really the most loving boyfriend ever (:
speaking of sweetness, i am reminded of the "Winnie the Pooh" movie and how Pooh tried to Christopher-Robin himself into not thinking about honey. i think that was probably the part that spoke the most to me. because i am such a pooh-bearish addict to honey.
Lord, You are sweeter than all the honey of the earth. thank You for Your word that brings life, and for Your grace that meets me in my weaknesses. thank You also for blessing me with this community of christians, that i may be supported in my faith and know the joy of being a support to others.
"the precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
the commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
the fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
the ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.
they are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb"
psalm 19:8-11
met YF and LL for fellowship on Mon. YF commented that the past few months had really been a great experience for her spiritually, because staying in hall gave her the freedom to read her bible and play christian songs anytime she wanted. it also gave her more opportunities to come into contact with christians and talk about spiritual issues, as opposed to when she was staying at home. that statement made me realise how blessed i am, and made me appreciate the christian support i'd been having even more. so here's my list of thanksgiving to God:
1. i thank God for niecu and for marc's faithful preaching each week. thank God also for marc's hospitality in inviting us to his house and for his patience in answering whatever questions we brought up during cg.
2. i thank God for christian friends in almost all of my modules, gesl included. it's an encouragement to me that there are others in the education service who believe with me that building up lives for God is important, and that we serve a Master beyond moe. it's also a good reminder to me to do my work properly and have the right attitude in class, so that i can be an encouragement to them.
3. i thank God for YF and LL, and for their hospitality every week. i thank God for sisters in Christ who trust me enough to be honest with me, and with whom i can be honest. their sharings of struggles and victories have really been very encouraging, and it reminds me that when we share our testimonies and speak God's word to each other, we build each others' faith up.
4. i thank God for Mel and BX and Char, for the way they keep meeting up with me and contacting me. they remind me that every relationship is an investment of time and effort, and i have been very blessed by their efforts to keep our friendships going.
5. i thank God for K. i thank God for this relationship that i do not deserve, for the sweetness and craziness in all the times spent with K, and for someone who makes me realise my blindspots so that i can change. it's a precious thing to be able to go through happy times and low times together with someone. and it has been sweetness beyond imagination. he is really the most loving boyfriend ever (:
speaking of sweetness, i am reminded of the "Winnie the Pooh" movie and how Pooh tried to Christopher-Robin himself into not thinking about honey. i think that was probably the part that spoke the most to me. because i am such a pooh-bearish addict to honey.
Lord, You are sweeter than all the honey of the earth. thank You for Your word that brings life, and for Your grace that meets me in my weaknesses. thank You also for blessing me with this community of christians, that i may be supported in my faith and know the joy of being a support to others.
"the precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
the commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
the fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
the ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.
they are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb"
psalm 19:8-11
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