wet black bough

too many weights on my mind from one day in that auditorium.

i think the overall feeling was a sense of frustration and restlessness, inspired by the events of the day and perhaps, to some extent, by the experiences of Dagny Taggart in Atlas Shrugged. errors irritate. and there are errors in my own behaviour and judgement too, but comparisons of speck and log aside, it is surely still allowable to just let that statement stand as an expression of opinion, despite how it might not reflect an attitude that is entirely laudable.

if one can say that certain things of uniqueness have become too commercialised, perhaps one can also say that certain things of prosaic-ness have become too advertised. teachers, and the teaching profession, probably fall under that latter category. too much ideology and meaning have been invested into the teacher, such that a gathering of teachers inadvertently prompts one to think potential, outreach, influence, moulders of the future. as magnet attracts iron, we seem to attract people who want to influence the future by way of influencing us. the person has been substituted for a symbol, reduced to an advertised image, a convenient mental projection from which one works when planning conferences such as these. institution speaks to image, and the people protest.

such mind-numbing processes. Dagny and those who understand her mind have the words i do not have.


there are so many things i would like to tear apart. but there is arrogance in that, and perhaps an excessiveness of negativity which, on the whole, should not be indulged in.

but this i will allow myself to say.

in that matter of sin, you are wrong to say that the guy has everything to gain, and the girl has everything to lose. what screwed-up rubbish. both lose. both lose, whether they realise it or not. you speak as though that is a victory for the man, and it is words like these that perpetrate the mindset that men gain when they take the girl, giving them the lie which becomes the comforting thought they take to console themselves or in which they exult, whether or not they dare to proclaim it. you follow the crowd in not making them realise what it means, and what they lose. and i hate rubbish like that. i hate that piece of rubbish and the whole attitude behind it and the injustice of the entire sickening thing.


kill the rabbit already.