raising the white flag.

at one time he had known exactly what he wanted to do, and now he was wavering between options.

this was one of the phrases that spoke to me the most today. thought i should write about it before it gets the chance to take place in my life, after which any writing about it would be retrospective, and with some regret.

then again, there is no denying that this is already in the retrospective-regret stage.

i find that it is easy for me to recall numerous instances in which i have disobeyed God, whereas racking for the better opposite brings only two instances to mind (in either case i am referring to obedience/disobedience of a certain degree). much as i wish to obey, the translation from conviction to action often fails. i would write, as paul wrote, that "what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do".

sometimes i pray that God would speak to me and tell me what to do. but then i realised, what's the point in asking if i'm not ready to obey? he has spoken; i am only waiting for what i wish to hear.


i could reason this way or that.






in all moments of choosing, the burden and beauty is as that facing a man standing on a mountain's peak - from one point radiates all other possible destinations.