flirt

it's a mish-mash and bamboozle.

the thought of her makes me laugh. my extreme stupidity. my despicable weakness. i have done to someone again what i never wanted to do to anyone.

when i spoke about them to A that day, i felt like i was reading out words that i've said before once upon a time. pausing at the same places, adding emphasis to those portions -- i have never moved on. i have not learnt. and they suffer.

i could laugh.



she said once that i really don't care. that posture, that stance -- it speaks the attitude that has not changed. the blood that runs is cold. yet the heart pains. and eyes long to let tears fall.

really, who am i if i can just walk out of their lives.



perhaps all i crave is the responding spark. when i know i've succeeded in winning them over, i am satisfied, validated; i can leave. i leave before they make a claim over me, before they believe that they belong to me, and i them. no more ties. no more relationships. no more promises. no more fantasies.

the flirt rejects the forever.